The Volvo Mystery with Lamar and Deidre

A Volvo blocks the entrance to the Coffee Bean parking lot. The passenger from the first car in line switches places with the Volvo driver and parks the car.

The woman stays in her Volvo. I follow the other two women inside, where I get an explanation. Sort of.

The women in the car ahead of me are mother and daughter.

Daughter turns to me and asks if she smells?

I say no without leaning in for a sniff.

“That car was full of cigarette ashes,” Daughter says.

Meanwhile mom calls out to Lamar, one of the employees.

“Hey Lamar, see that woman in the Volvo? She’s stalking us.”

The daughter explains that there was a longer, troubling conversation prior to my arrival. The gist of it was a refusal to move from the entrance and some “grody” over-sharing.

I’m not sure I’d call it “stalking,” but Lamar looks out the window and says, “Hey Deidre, crazy is back!”

Deidre’s head sinks. She explains that the Volvo shows up every few days. The routine is always the same: block the entrance to the parking lot and wait for someone else to agree to move the car.

Mom says they agreed to move the car because the driver said she had eye surgery and couldn’t see.

I ask how the woman was able to drive here?

Deidre says it’s “bullshit.” Every time it’s a new condition.

“The other day it was a heart condition,” Deidre says.

Lamar says he heard it was that disease “where you can’t eat cheese.”

“Gout?” Mom asks.

But we’re getting off track. Daughter asks if the woman in the Volvo just sits there?

“Pretty much,” Lamar says. “It’s creepy. She just watches the store and smokes.”

Deidre says they’ve tried calling the cops, but they never show up in time. Still, she tells Lamar to make the call.

Deirdre offers Mom and Daughter a free mini donut for their trouble, but they are “off sugar.”

As I leave, I see the woman sitting in her Volvo. The window is open and she’s talking on her phone.

“I can’t make it today,” she says. “Because I’m at the Coffee Bean. I TOLD YOU! The Coffee Bean. We’ve been over this!”

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