Opening Day

Watching opening day at Pineapple Hill. It’s Vin Scully’s last year, but his commentary can’t lay a glove on the comments from the two old ladies sitting next to me.

Re the white wine: “It drinks smooth, smoother than the whisky we had last night.”

Re the Padres pitcher: “He scratches his balls too much.”

Re Justin Turner’s mane of red hair: “That hippie needs a barber.”

Re sampler platter etiquette: “I’m double-dipping the ranch.”

Re Puig: “A free-swinging bum.”

Re the bartender who brings them another round: “Don’t tell anyone that we drink a lot.”

Re the guy on his phone [yours truly]: “This generation doesn’t know how to live, and they certainly don’t know how to party.”

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