Lyft drivers for Trump (sort of)

The Lyft driver asks me what I think of this “crazy-ass election.”

We’ve been stuck in traffic on the 101 for a while and I’ve learned a few things about the man from Southbay.

He’s originally from Atlanta, but hasn’t been back since his mom passed. “Mom loved her flowers.”

He drives for “milkshake money.”

His “real job” is driving an 18-wheeler. The last load was hats, the one before that was Cup Noodles.

He mostly listens to hip hop, “but some country is good.”

His feet are “too big for cowboy boots.”

And here we are talking politics in traffic, a dicey proposition with a stranger in a “crazy-ass” election year.

“Hillary has some shit going with the FBI,” he says. “But she’s going to win because that’s how they want it. Above the law.”

They are the elite and they call the shots. The people who lead the elites are really lizards, and “they all went to Yale, or that other school.”

The way he heard it, Bill Clinton is “dead set” on beating Wilt Chamberlin’s record for sleeping with women. But he’s not sure the former President will catch the former NBA star because Bill is “only at, like, 2,000 or something, and you know Wilt hit 10,000.”

He fears for Donald Trump’s life.

“They’ll take him out because they don’t want him. He’s just like Kennedy: for the people so they’ll kill him.”

Kennedy loved his LSD. “Of course, he got with a lot of women too.”

“Marylyn Monroe!” I offer.

“Men can’t keep it zipped up,” he says.

“That doesn’t speak very highly of us,” I say.

“You’re right about that.”

“It’s a whole new world order coming in, unless Trump can stop it, but they’ll kill him if he tries, so…”

“What about Bernie?”

“I like that Bernie cat. But he has no experience. That’s why it’s Hillary, the elites have had a conspiracy for years to make her president.”

“You really believe that?”

“Sure do,” he says. “Who’d you vote for?”

I tell him I’m with her.

“No shit.”

We share a chuckle.

“So you voted for Trump?”

“I wanted to, but I couldn’t find the polling place, so I said fuck it.”

Talk turns to basketball and how nobody in LA cares about the finals because the Lakers missed the playoffs.

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